“Man plans, God laughs” goes the old Jewish proverb.
It’s nice to know God has a sense of humor. We make plans. They don’t always turn out as expected.
There are probably many reasons why I stopped writing the blog about a year ago. What I know is that I just stopped. I thought I’d lost the fire. People asked from time to time. I didn’t have a good answer.
This week, after much too long a stretch of time, I met with one of those people dearest to me. We talked about the blog and I gave the “I lost the fire” explanation.
But she saw it differently. “You stopped because you had too much fire going on,” she said, rolling her eyes a bit at my density. In consideration of that perspective, I do admit, the flames have been rather high. That’s why I was thinking in terms of an “inner lack” rather than, well, a raging fire. She suggested that all would come back as the flames inevitably ran their course.
She made me laugh at myself. It was laughter suggesting possibility, not mockery. Laughter in the right form — representing joy, creation, love, faith and passion.
I’m not sure of the next plan but I see the fire much more clearly.
I searched for my Texas cousin Sara’s blog, “Sara’s Corner,” but it wasn’t there. Last December, she took early retirement after 25ish years of working for the same company since college, rising through the ranks and reaching a position of power. She was the proverbial corporate gal, a go-getter and we wondered what her next act would be. In January, we learned it was breast cancer. Surgery, chemotherapy and radiation dominated her year, which was punctuated by a hysterectomy once the cancer treatment was complete. An ordeal to be sure. Her blog provided updates on the treatments and her state of mind, which was remarkably, consistently positive — not only with the status of treatments but as if this was merely another glitch in the corporate project that was her. It was nothing short of inspirational and reminded me that everyone handles set-backs in different ways and I very much liked her way. For Sara’s supporters, it allowed us to get an update, feel relief but not have to knock down her door to do it. So when I searched for the blog and the latest update, cyberspace gave me nothing. I contacted her to ask about the blog. And that’s when I learned she had taken it down. The ordeal was over and she told me that taking the blog down was a sign of her victory. I love it. She did it again — a simple, intuitive solution. When the fire is over, just put it out.
Putting Fire Out
The other night a friend, Kay, who has been reading this blog told me her own story. At 4, she was involved in an accident that left her back and neck burned with collateral damage to her ear. It had all the clear markings of a very bad burn. Yet she didn’t know the details of the accident. When she asks her dad, “What happened?”, she is referred to her mother. When she asks her mother, the story she’s told doesn’t add up. So she’s left in a quandary of sorts but has found a way to make peace with it. Being of the spiritual mindset, Kay believes everything happens for a reason and the resolution we DON’T find in this life carries with us to the next — call it karma, call it reincarnation, call it the law of cause-and-effect — we choose to let history repeat itself until we address it. That’s great motivation to explore the fires that rage within us and can counter the nagging downside risk, “What’s the worst thing I can find out?” What’s your fire?