Please. A Pleaser?

It wasn’t until I talked to my Aunt Mary that I fully understood how I’d become a pleaser, and I wasn’t really pleased about it.  Not that having a pleasing behavior is always a bad thing; it’s just that I’d never pieced together this aspect of myself in quite this way until I spoke with Aunt Mary.  Aunt Mary is my mom‘s only sister and since my mother’s death, seemed a ripe source of information about my accident.  Yet, the conversation was uncomfortable.  As we talked, it seemed to me that Aunt Mary was going out of her way to not blame my mother, since the accident did indeed occur on her watch.  As my mom ironed in the basement and my sister Susie played nearby, I snuck up to the kitchen to get some crackers, secreted away above the stove.  “Aunt Mary, the accident was my fault,” I told her.  “I knew what I was doing and remember doing it.  I have no one to blame but myself.”  Aunt Mary seemed taken aback and heartily disagreed.  “Annie,” she said with exasperation, “It was not your fault.  You were two years old.  How could it ever have been your fault.”  Her words hung in the air.   I thought about them for a long time. 

For the first time in my life, my perspective changed.  For the better part of my life, I felt guilty about the accident, believing that I had caused my own fate and was forever doomed to be responsible for it, which I must add, I always have been.  I rarely felt sorry for myself, fully rehabilitated myself and developed a persona of never letting other people down.  In my young mind, I reasoned that because no one talked about the accident, particularly my family, they knew what I had done and how stupid it had been.  I pledged to myself never to let my family down again…..and became a pleaser.  Straight A’s.  Editor of the school newspaper.  Athlete.  Generally good person.

Aunt Mary’s words had such power and made so much sense.  When I thought of my own children as two-year-olds, I’d marvel how the train was in motion, but the conductor was rarely home, which is to say, they didn’t know enough to be responsible for much.  Yet I didn’t give my small self the benefit of that doubt.  In fact, I’d never thought of it any other way than that it had been my fault.  In my mind’s eye, whether I’d created the memory from strands of conversation or whether I actually remembered it, I saw myself going up those basement stairs and heading for the stove.

The power of not talking about it meant that I had to give myself an answer however far-fetched it might be when I examined it as an adult.

How might my answer have changed if the event would have been processed this way as a child?  How might my behavior have changed?  These days my pleaser tendencies are not so noticeable and I like to think of myself squarely as a “B+”, hardly a type A anymore.  Age mellows me.  Exploration like this frees me.

Advertisements

The Angels Have More to Say

When an email from Joanne, the Angel Lady (www.angelic-art.com),  popped in to my inbox the other day, I was completely surprised.  “It’s very unusual to get more info after a session but they woke me up,” she wrote about her angels.  “We come to speak of Anne,” they said to her.  Here, in part, is what Joanne had to tell me:

Scarf as Past Life Clue

Anne had left behind a woven wool scarf of many colors.  I can’t explain it but I just knew it was no coincidence the Universe brought us together, let alone for her to leave the scarf behind accidentally.  I knew the scarf she left behind was a trigger for something for me to remember how we connected from a past life.  My guides reminded me that Anne and I had many lifetimes together as both of us were revered artisans from Pompei to Rome to England, even going back to Atlantis.  Anne’s reading showed that she and I shared a lifetime in the English Cotswolds, where the main business was wool weaving at that time (remember the scarf!) 

When I asked my guides how I knew Anne, they had me spell out RIL.  I looked it up on the Internet and to my surprise RIL was the last name of an artist from the Cotswold region known for his pastoral scene paintings.  I heard, “Is it any surprise you would dedicate 15 years of your lifetime this time to live in NEW England painting historic town scenes from this era?”  I looked up the art of this man, John Ril and it was like looking at my own art and an instant deja vu took place.

As for Anne, the cellular memory of that lifetime, where she lost all her possessions in a fire, was very, very deep.  When something is so vivid such as that horrific experience, many times it is brought forward into this lifetime to learn from and forgive anyone connected to that period.  It was no coincidence that as a child of 2 in this lifetime, Anne was badly burned on her right leg.  She needed closure as it was hard for her to step forward (hence the right leg which represents moving forward in her life). It is also the male side or giving side.

Some things we simply cannot understand but I always believe in keeping an open mind to see what the Universe has in store for us.  Only the future will tell where all of this will take us.

In case you are interested, I’m meeting Joanne on Saturday to retrieve the colorful wool scarf. 

When you are told you have had a past life with someone, does anyone know the correct protocol for greetings in this life?  It’s an interesting question to ponder.

If I was more than a little concerned about the “woo woo” nature of my last post, I will confess that this story leaves me speechless.  And that is half the fun of this lifetime!

What the Angels Say

While visiting a law firm client, I saw the most fascinating paintings on their walls.  “Tell me about these,” I asked Michael, the founding partner.  “Oh, those are angel paintings,” he said.  “Some are portals and others are just inspired works.  The angel lady does them.  She sees angels and can tell you what they are saying about you.”  I was intrigued and to make the long story short, that’s how I ended up having an appointment with Joanne Macko.

From the moment I entered her house, there was a pervasive energy floating about that made me tingle.  Joanne gave a short tour of her art room before we went to her “healing room”.  There, she had me lay down and for about 45 minutes, I took a nap while she worked her magic.  Sometimes I could hear her talking, other times she seemed to be furiously scribbling down notes, and there were the occasional ringing of bells and placement of oils.  All in all, it was a remarkably cool experience and I must say that am no stranger to metaphysical experiences.  “I feel like I lost 10 pounds,” was the first thing I said to Joanne as we began to discuss the treatment.  “Oh, you did,” she replied with a smile.

Joanne shared a number of fascinating things with me not the least of which was a past life experience that floored me.  She said I had a life in the Cotswolds of England in which my village was taken over in a raid.  As the invaders moved through the area, they torched as many homes as they could including mine.  All my possessions went up in flames.  I too was burned but escaped the house with minor injuries.  More importantly, after the fire, I froze.  I was afraid to move forward and rebuild my life.  The right leg, where my burns from this life live, represents the ability to move forward Joanne told me.  During my “nap” on her table, she saw the cellular memory from the past life had rested in my right leg and she and the angels released it.  “Move forward now,” she said.

You may or may  not believe in angels or any person’s ability to work with them.  You may or may not believe in past lives.  It’s edgy stuff for some.  For Joanne, the angels changed her life.  She had a near death experience and heard from them directly, then saw them guide her life.  She was a top-ranked USTA doubles champion and quit.  She painted sweet tableaux of New England charm.  She quit that too.  Now, she sees her life’s work as helping people hear from the angels and painting the scenes they show her (www.angelic-art.com).  Joanne also doesn’t advertise and sees all her clients by referral, just as I came to see her.  In the past 10 years, thousands of people have visited her Naperville home.  And that’s what the angels said.