“Man plans, God laughs” goes the old Jewish proverb.
It’s nice to know God has a sense of humor. We make plans. They don’t always turn out as expected.
There are probably many reasons why I stopped writing the blog about a year ago. What I know is that I just stopped. I thought I’d lost the fire. People asked from time to time. I didn’t have a good answer.
This week, after much too long a stretch of time, I met with one of those people dearest to me. We talked about the blog and I gave the “I lost the fire” explanation.
But she saw it differently. “You stopped because you had too much fire going on,” she said, rolling her eyes a bit at my density. In consideration of that perspective, I do admit, the flames have been rather high. That’s why I was thinking in terms of an “inner lack” rather than, well, a raging fire. She suggested that all would come back as the flames inevitably ran their course.
She made me laugh at myself. It was laughter suggesting possibility, not mockery. Laughter in the right form — representing joy, creation, love, faith and passion.
I’m not sure of the next plan but I see the fire much more clearly.
Near the dunes where we have a what-we-called-when-I-grew-up-in-Wisconsin a cottage, there is about a mile walk along the sandy beach to reach Succession Trail. Turn left and trek slowly through the thick sand. The reward is a 300-stair climb to a captain’s peak overlooking the lake and the dunes, as far as the eye can see. It’s breath-taking. You can’t help but think about how nature has been preserved along the dunes and how, when the land was truly free, the Indians took those same trails thousands of years ago.
Some days when I reach the stairs, I leap up and run them until I get winded and have to walk. Other days, I don’t want to do the stairs but I schlep along, trudging one foot sluggishly after another until I reach the captain’s peak. Some days inertia wins and I don’t make the trek.
Writing the story of Anne on Fire is just like the 300 stairs. My mind runs up the stairs with ease, a mental work-out that moves quickly and effortlessly. But when push comes to shove, the ideas don’t always make it to the paper. I trudge sluggishly along, wondering why I can’t make it up a few more stairs.
My goal in the first few months of 2012 is to complete the revision of the Anne on Fire manuscript. When I started this project a couple of years ago, I thought writing this story would be simple and straightforward. It is not. I met with a literary consultant last month and she told me, “What you are writing is between you and God. Stop showing it to people .” Maybe I have been doing that, looking for confirmation at the expense of completing the re-write of the manuscript.
Egads. If writing your own story isn’t easy, what is?
Welcome 2012. It’s time to complete what I’ve started.
- Psychology 101 (gintai.wordpress.com)